I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
