Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
