Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
