Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
