it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
