I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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