Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
