you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
