So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
