Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
