I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize