at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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