I just pynch a tree in the face
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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