bring money and cleavage
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
