What a fucking waste of an outfit
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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