Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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