My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
