butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
