Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
