His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
