Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
