Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
