i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize