Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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