When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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