i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
