I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize