Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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