i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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