Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
