apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
