you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
