I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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