it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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