The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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