So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
