That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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