you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
