before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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