I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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