I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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