Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
