oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
