Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize