we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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