I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
