her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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