I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
