How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
