What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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