I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize