I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
