Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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