I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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