Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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