Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
