please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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