I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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