Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
