she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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