You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
