It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
