talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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