He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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