You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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