Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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