Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
