I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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