I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
