Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize