the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
