I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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