She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
