i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
