Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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