I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
