Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
