Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
