he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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