stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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