just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
