you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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